And if I was famous, I wasnt sure I was strong enough to face that the rest of my life. IҒm a 26 year old female who was a porn star. I was asked to make different choices to be a star or more well known but chose a path to remain less known. In some ways porn is more accepted than its ever been. But in reality it wasnҒt my goal to be a star.
Im hoping that in some small way I can show a different side. I still cringe at the title of porn star since I wasnҒt a famous porn actress. What are some of the assumptions? But in other ways the media and the recent Hot Girl Wanted documentary paint a picture that isnt accurate since it only shows one side. In fact I shied away from any opportunity to be a star.
The main reason is I knew there would be a stigma attached to what I did that would follow me my entire life. TheyҒve been abused as young girls. I feel compelled to write this now because of all the negativity I see around about porn and the porn industry. They only do it for the money or come from poor families. They have low self esteem.
I can only really speak to my experience, my motivations and my background and even those around me. The girls are uneducated. Ive never taken hard drugs. Never been physically abused and I was not forced into the industry. If you cherished this article and you would like to acquire more data relating
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kindly take a look at our internet site. As for me, I was a college graduate, I came from a wealthy family and I literally donҒt have to work if I dont want to.
That they are forced into the industry or doing things they donҒt want to do. That the girls are all on drugs. For others, money and recognition or some level of fame was a huge motivator. Some for the sexual experiences even though a lot of porn isnt like normal sex as I would learn.
We were all there because we wanted to do it for any of a number of reasons. For me the motivation wasnҒt just one thing. And I knew of nobody that was forced. The other girls I knew in the industry werent on drugs and I wasnҒt aware of any abuse.
But we all entered into the industry with our eyes wide open not forced. My motivations were that of a young girl of 22. I didnt know anyone that had STDҒs. With being involved in porn come accusations, assumptions and sometimes a hatred for it. This wasnt my experience but IҒm sure if you look around, you can find these scenarios. The attention and compliments about my looks and sexuality were a huge draw.
(Its much better now). I admit that my relationship with my father and his lack of compliments led me to feel a void. I had never had a one night stand or casual sex before and I wondered if I was missing anything. All of my sex before was part of a loving relationship with a boyfriend. But not having the unconditional love and admiration of your father is a huge factor in shaping a young girl and it shaped me and my sister.
He was never abusive by any means. But that wasnҒt enough. I didnt do it for the money although the feeling and empowerment of making money because of my sexuality was surprisingly fulfilling. And the last motivation for me was popularity on some level. So when I was approached by an older father figure who gave me compliments and painted a picture that being in porn videos could provide for me, it made me listen.
To be the interesting or sexy girl and be the one that guys wanted since I never thought guys thought about me in that way. Not that I wanted to have sex with a lot of guys, but I wanted them to want me. I was also driven by the potential sexual experiences. I wanted to feel wanted and wanted to be submissive and let go for a while and yes, I wanted to have crazy sex to see what it was like with guys who had a lot of experience.
I was never the sexy girl that guys wanted to have sex with. As a young girl, being wanted and fitting in is so important. Safe from STDҒs, being raped or worse. None of this would have mattered if I didnt feel safe. I never would have guessed because they were all so normal and the blended in perfectly with those that were accountants, students, hair stylists and computer programs in the group.
For me sex with guys who had a larger penis or sex with more than one guy and even having two guys inside of me at once were something I fantasized about at times but as a female, you canҒt admit it or be considered a slut. I was always the rich cute girl, the loner girl or quiet girl who had a cute body. I am a person that researches things and I had enough interest and intrigue to learn more about it.
It should also be noted that I didnt seek out the industry but instead was asked. My immediate reaction was not to go for it. It never even crossed my mind to pursue porn and had I not have been asked, I never would have done it. When I was asked I had all kinds of emotions and thoughts around it. I spoke to two girls that were porn actresses.
after my initial "hell no" response. I had fantasies that many girls probably think about but never expect or even want to fulfill. What to expect and what it takes to be good at it. They told me the good and bad things.
I met three of the guys. They were smart, articulate and supportive of whatever decision I made. I learned about STD testing in the industry and the true risks of that which are lower than those that have casual sex by a wide margin.
The other research I did was on safety on the set of porn shoots. And they showered me with praise and encouragement. I did almost 30 scenes having sex with about a dozen different guys and even experimented with a few females in those scenes. IҒm now 3+ years removed from being in scenes so I have 20/20 hindsight on things.
This happened through a group of new friends I was hanging out with and little did I know a few of them were in the porn industry. My entire decision process took a little over a week but it dominated my mind 24/7. And I watched some scenes that included many of the people I would be asked to perform with.
What I learned and breaking down or confirming some porn misconceptions:
Porn sex isnt like real sex - There were times the sex was just a job. Some of it is very real with incredible feelings and reactions. I have heard some people say that all porn is fake and I can assure you, they are only half right. (Not for me IҒve decided - I like guys) I made over $50,000 and had experiences that ranged from almost normal boyfriend type sex to simulated forced sex to rough sex, multiple penetration and a few fetish scenes (nylons and feet).
So I researched it. But there were also scenes where it was incredibly sexual and fulfilling. All porn guys have huge penises - Definitely not true but for some, um. I asked questions around what was expected of me and had someone look over the contracts. I did a few times but usually I was fully present and connected to the situation. You dont have to disconnect your emotions to have porn sex - I hear all the time that people in porn have disconnected sex.
Most of the guys were slightly above normal but not crazy big. I had real orgasms on several occasions but a lot of the scenes were more about capturing the elements the director wanted versus atk daily hairy having a fulfilling sexual experience. It made the sex better and the scene better.
Trusting someone to take control of your body and to take full advantage of you on camera takes a level of connection I learned. Without trust, I never could have submitted. And no, I am not ruined for normal size guys. To feel the raw desire a guy has for you and the primal actions he takes with you if you are open to it are indescribable. I had moments of complete and utter bliss.
But a few were bigger than I really thought possible or that I thought I could handle. Bottom line is size mostly doesnҒt matter and can be more of a negative. Even at times where I was asked to submit, that was its own connection. Rough sex the girls have isnҒt enjoyable - Yes I had some OMG moments.
Riding him or taking him inside of me and letting my feelings and desires come naturally. All girls regret being in porn later in life - Im sure some do. Yes I felt used but that isnҒt a bad thing. The question is do I regret it and I can honestly say no without hesitation. But I have met or spoken to enough girls that dont regret it.
There are times IҒve used my boyfriends for my sexual pleasure as well. It brought out primal feelings in me. Many of the guys I performed with I connected with them before or during the scene. Time will tell but I dont think I will. I had to calm myself or connect with my sexual desires and fantasies and 90% of the time it was incredibly erotic for me.
Are there challenges with having done it? But you mostly go into knowing this. In fact had I not done it I believe without hesitation that I would regret not doing it. But many businesses are like this where management makes profits from hard work of lower level employees.
My boyfriends have always enjoyed when I let myself completely go and become a sexual being and to me some of my scenes were the same with me on the receiving end. But I donҒt regret it. So is it really being taken advantage of? You are trading your body and innocence to make a little money and to make the producers a lot of money.
We are also told we can stop the scene at any time but its made pretty clear that if all possible you should stay with the scene. I want to make it clear. You are forced to do things you donҒt want to do or didnt agree to - I think this is partly true based on my experience and talking to others.
Usually this had to do with roughness or forced or controlled penetration. You are take advantage of - Yes this is sort of true. Or where things I didnҒt expect were done. I freely admit that in most cases the director (and actors) needed to have some creative freedom even if it was at the expense of me. I could have said no or stopped it at any time. Just a few other facts:
I am from the United States but performed in Russia so the experience could be completely different from porn in the US or other countries.
I have family from Russia so I was there for an extended visit when this happened the first time. I got more out of it than just the money and overall I cant say I was completely taken advantage of. It was after all what I signed up for and allowed to happen.
I looked younger so they played me off as a teenager. I was 22 when I started and 23 when I stopped and had recently graduated from college. My family doesnҒt know nor do most of my friends. Will I regret it when Im older?
Before filming we provide our hard limits and things we donҒt want to do. This was an isolated incident and I blame one person and not the industry. 1yld5Wz VBRU88
1FVcfQN 1FVcfQN<6 comments> If you have respectful questions, Im happy to answer them. There were times I should have or wanted to tap out.
Spanking and hair pulling wasnҒt always agreed to but in hindsight made the scene more popular and better for the audience. I stopped because I had fulfilled my needs and desires mostly and I had an incident that led me to want to leave. I just wanted to paint a little different picture than some of the negative stories or documentaries that have come out recently.
Those that do are mostly accepting I recently told my sister and she is supportive of me.